Suggestions for Survivors

by Iris M. Bolton

• Know you can survive. You may not think so, but you can.
• Struggle with "why" it happened until you no longer need to know, or until you are saitisfied with partial answers.
• Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelings, but know that all your feelings are normal.
• Anger, guilt, confusion, forgetfulness are common responses. You are not crazy, you are in mourning.
• Be aware you may feel appropriate anger at the person, at the world, at God, at yourself. It is okay to express it.
• You may feel guilty for what you think you did or did not do. Guilt can turn into regret, through forgiveness.
• Having suicidal thoughts is common. It does not mean that you will act on those thoughts.
• Remember to take one moment or one day at a time.
• Find a good listener with whom to share. Call someone if you need to talk.
• Don't be afraid to cry. Tears are healing. Give yourself time to heal.
• Remember the choice was not yours. No one is the sole influence in another's life.
• Expect setbacks. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may only be experiencing a remnant of grief, an unfinished piece.
• Try to put off major decisions.
• Give yourself permission to get professional help.
• Be aware of the pain of your family and friends.
• Be patient with yourself and with others who may not understand.
• Set your own limits and learn to say no.
• Steer clear of people who want to tell you what or how to feel.
• Know that there are support groups that can be helpful, such as Compassionate Friends or Survivors of Suicide groups. If not, ask a professional to help start one.
• Call on your personal faith to help you through.
• It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, e.g., headaches, loss of appetite, inability to sleep.
• The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing.
• Explore your questions, anger, guilt, or other feelings until you can let them go. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting.
• Know that you will never be the same again, but that you can survive and even thrive.

Reprinted with permission from Suicide and its Aftermath (Dunne, Mcintosh, Dunne-Maxim, Norton and Co. l987)